Closure
by linwe viper emily nolatari
Summary: Sequel to Darkest Sentiments of the Heart...Kenji left everything behind...what has he been up to? R&R please..
1. Chapter 1

For all case and purposes, nobody has any racial distinguishable features, since all anime characters look the same no matter what nationality they are…. just wanted to clarify why the girls didn't outwardly say he looked different…. technically he doesn't look different

Cold.

I can't remember when was the last time I felt warmth.

The weather here is merciless, but ironically, it does not bother me as much as it should.

This place suits me well; it is as cold and barren as my heart feels.

How I got here I cannot remember.

All I know is that I am here now.

I wanted to forget. But forgetting seems to be impossible for me.

My wounds won't heal.

My heart won't let me forget

I know what I need to do, but I do not have the courage to face my sins yet.

All I want is to be forgiven.

All I need is love.

I want somebody to let me cry on their shoulder. Somebody that will hear me pour my heart out and won't judge me.

Somebody that will fill my cold and barren heart with warmth.

I left everything behind, yet I cannot forget.

I never thought that I would ever feel this guilty.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

'What is that?'

'What does it look like, it's a young boy.' A young woman said.

'But where did you find him Sashenka?'

'He was lying in the alley. I felt sad for the poor thing.' the woman addressed as Sashenka said.

'He's so handsome, it is no wonder you picked him up.' Another young woman said mischievously.

'Take that pretty little head of yours out of the gutter, Kharenka.'

'He looks foreign. You don't see red hair around here too often.' Another one said.

'Look, he's awake!'

When I came back to my senses, I was inside. It was warm. There were many women around me. They looked at me with worry and they spoke in a language I could not understand.

'How are you feeling?'

I looked at them blankly.

'He cannot understand what you are saying, stupid!'

'We have a problem.'

'Can we keep him?' Kharenka said.

'What is he, a dog?'

'But he is _sooooo_ _cute_, and young and…'but Sashenka cut her off.

'Will you stop speaking nonsense. You, don't go around corrupting young boys, besides if he stays he will be our little brother.'

'Is it safe? Look he is carrying a sword.' A shy looking girl asked.

'I think it's safe Ninushka.'

'Who cares, in this line of work we are always exposed to danger. Don't tell me you are going to be scared of a boy with a sword?'

'N-no…I mean…I apologize for my foolishness Anna.' Ninushka said meekly.

'Anna! All of you stop this nonsense! The boy will stay and that is that!' Sashenka said forcefully.

The boss had spoken.

Even if I did not understand what was being said, I thought I should introduce myself.

'Kenji.' I said. All the women turned to look at me.

'I think that is his name.' One whispered.

Again I repeated my name and pointed at myself.

'Ah.' They said in unison.

'Easy enough.' One of the women said.

'Kharenka, Sashenka, Ninushka, Anna…' They proceeded to go around in a circle pointing at themselves and telling me their names.

As I walked to the door to leave, one of the women stopped me. She shaked her head, and I took it as a sign they wanted me to stay, and here I am.

It took me a couple of months to learn the new language, but now I know what is being said.

"Alexei! The clients will be arriving soon, so go to your room" Kharenka tells me.

I said I wanted to forget. The girls knew. And that is why they changed my name.

'_Change my name, why?' _

'So that you fit in better. You stand out as it is with that red hair of yours; we can find you a nice Russian name, or are you attached to your birth name? Besides if you are here is because you want to start from scratch, right? Changing your name will help you achieve that goal.'

'_I am not attached to my name or anything that reminds me of my name, as a matter of fact, I want to forget I was once 'Kenji.' You can change it to whatever you want.'_

I remember seeing them exchange glances. It was as if they knew exactly what I was feeling.

And that was how I became Alexei.

'_How about Alexei?'_ one of the girls proposed.

'_Alexei sounds fine_.' I said

But even now that I've become 'Alexei', I still have not been able to forget.

I am still lonely even if I am surrounded by many people.


	2. Chapter 2

At the age of 25, Sashenka was a very successful woman.

Needless to say, her life had not been an easy one.

The reason why she became a whore had nothing to do with freedom of expression.

It was something more sinister, sadder.

In reality Sashenka was a very sad girl.

But all her girls had led bad lives and that was why she tried to make their lives at the brothel a little more livable.

Sashenka was nice to the girls, she didn't overwork them and they got to keep the money they made.

Really many girls wanted to work in Sashenka's brothel.

'Sashenka, why did you become a courtesan?' Kenji asked her one-day.

'What kind of questions are you asking, boy?' she replied, a little angry and a little surprised.

'Please forgive me, I did not mean to intrude.' Said Kenji rapidly, regretting he even asked.

Sashenka smiled at him. The boy had changed. He had been cold and distant towards them, but slowly he had begun to open up to them. He laughed and smiled with them. He seemed to be learning to enjoy life.

'Maybe some day I will tell you.' She finally said, a sad smile playing on her lips.

It was true. He felt different. Ever since he came to live with the girls he felt like his burden was a little easier to carry. He was happy with them. To say the least they were all one big happy dysfunctional family. He knew all the girls had tragic pasts and that made him feel more at ease with his own guilt that burned him slowly from the inside.

The girls showered him with love and affection, but he didn't feel suffocated by it, he learned to accept it. Maybe it was because they were not naïve, or that he knew that they accepted all his faults that he felt their love comforting.

He in turned also learned to love the girls and would do anything to protect them and their happiness, even if that happiness was fake.

"Alexei, are you done sweeping?" Anna asked him.

"Yes, I am done. What else do you need me to do?"

"Shopping." Sashenka cut in.

"O.K. I'm going."

"I'll go with you." Said Sashenka.

He liked all the girls, but he felt especially close to Sashenka. Sashenka seemed like the loneliest girl, even if she put on the strongest front. She was their leader after all. Kenji wanted to be Sashenka's comfort when she had nobody to see her cry, when she could not let the girls see her tears. He didn't want to see her be lonely; it was as if he was seeing a reflection of himself. He'd been lonely all his life and really that was not a nice feeling.

"Sashenka…" he started.

"Yes, what is it Alexei?" she asked him.

"When your lonely and you feel like crying, you can cry on my shoulder. I know that you can't let the other girls see you suffering because you are their support, but I know what it is to feel lonely and I don't want to see you look lonely."

Sashenka turned around surprised. Her baby blue eyes filled with the many tears she had wanted to shed but had held in for the sake of the other girls.

"Thank you, you are so sweet." She told him giving him a hug and crying on his shoulder.

She stayed like that for a while, crying in the middle of the crowded street. People passed and stared at the sight. Some mumbled under their breath, saying bad stuff about the scene, since it was known to many who and what Sashenka was.

Finally wiping her tears, she straightened up. "Thank you. I had not cried like that in so many years. It really felt good." Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were red, but she didn't care. Somebody had let her cry on their shoulder. Somebody was willing to listen to her.

Alexei was right; she was lonely. Her girls were great, but she couldn't appear weak in front on them.

"I'm only glad that I was able to help you." Said Kenji.

"Sashenka, what happened?" the girls asked concerned when they saw Sashenka's red, puffy eyes.

"Nothing happened." She said smiling.

"But your eyes…they're so red. Alexei what did you do?" Anna asked curtly.

"Stop it! Alexei didn't do anything. He actually helped me out. He freed my heart." She said smiling.

All the girls exchanged glances, but said nothing. Their leader, their best friend looked so happy, happier than they had ever seen her, but that happiness came with a price.

"Were you having problems? Why didn't you come to us?" Anna asked her.

Sashenka gave her a small smile, "I didn't want to worry you. You have your own problems. I had to be strong for you, if I crumbled, who would stand up for you? This is a harsh life we live."

"Stupid. You showed us how to be strong, so you don't have to feel like you have to be strong for us." Kharenka told her.

"Kharenka is right. We are a team, so Sashenka when you are feeling down; don't be afraid to talk to us. You don't have to be strong because we all have to learn to be strong and stand on our own two feet. Sashenka you are not going to be able to protect us forever." Said Anna.

Kenji slowly slipped away from there and went to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

Kenji lay on his bed thinking.

He knew that he could not run away forever. It had been two years since that, and it really was time to go back.

"Alexei?" there was a soft knock on his door.

"Come in.," he replied.

It was Sashenka.

He sat up on his bed.

Sashenka walked up to the bed and sat on the corner.

She stayed silent for a while looking around the room as if she had never seen it before.

"I know I may be intruding, and taking advantage of you, but…." She suddenly started.

"It's fine with me, I meant it when I told you you could talk to me. Is there something on your mind?"

"When you asked me 'why you became a courtesan?' I was little angry. I have not told that par of my life to anyone. People always look down on us because of what we do, and the other girls have similar stories to mine, so it would be pointless to tell them about it. I was scared to answer you. You have been so nice, but I didn't think I could trust you, but today…today I realized that if I couldn't trust you, then I couldn't trust anyone. Are you still interested in hearing my story?"

"Of course. It might be painful, but I think you have been waiting for a long time to tell someone. I'll hear you out and I won't judge you. That is a promise."

She gave him a small smile. "You are a really smart kid. It's true; I have been waiting for someone to be willing to hear me talk. Men don't care about words. They don't come here and pay to hear us talk about our lives. They don't care about us any more than they care about the dog out in the street."

Kenji stayed silent. He didn't know what to say.

Sashenka started her narrative.

"I think I was 14, maybe 15 when all my dreams were shattered. We were poor…then my mother died…and I was left alone with my 6 younger siblings and drunken father. I was the oldest, so my father in one of his more sober days arranged for me to marry the baker's son. I was happy, all my life I had fancied the baker's son. I thought that nothing could break that happiness, but I was wrong. One night as I came late from my job at a seamstress house I was attacked by some men. News spread quickly and my marriage was called off. I was no longer worthy of marrying into a decent family…" She stopped. Tears were falling from her eyes, but with a quick wipe of her eyes she resumed again." In an instant my whole life was ruined. Everybody blamed me for what had happened since many women in my town were jealous of me and looked down on me. Even the baker's wife had not been too happy with the marriage arrangement; since she believed in the gossip they spread around about my reputation. After my reputation really was ruined, I could no longer take all the gossip. I took what little I had and ran away, leaving my family. I ended up here and since then I started living this life. I was worthless anyway, no good man would marry me, thus I decided to become what I am now." Her voice was sad, tears falling from her eyes.

"That was hard. Your life has been too hard. You didn't deserve that." Kenji said.

"I have not seen my family since. I don't even know what has been of them."

"Do you want to go see them? I'll go with you." Kenji offered.

"Nobody ever cares what happens to us. We are just merchandise used for their own amusement. It's a sad life isn't it? That is why I try to make the girls' lives easier because I know that they all have stories similar to mine." She said not answering his question.

'That's not true. I don't know why I ended up here, but it is thanks to you people that I have been able to become a better person. Little by little I feel as if I am becoming human. Before I was driven on rage, an uncontrollable rage. I made some very bad mistakes due to that rage."

"Who are we to judge? We all have something in our pasts that we are ashamed of. You are still young and you can make amends for your mistakes." Sashenka assured him.

"I don't think that I can ever amend for my mistakes. They are mistakes that are hard to be forgiven. Things that if they were done to me I don't think I would be able to forgive."

"Trust me, we have all done bad things…things we wish we could to forget…you are too young to be beating yourself over them Life is too short to be living with regrets. Whatever you did, I m sure that you can be forgiven."

"I killed my father. I don't know how something like that can be forgiven."

Sashenka didn't even flinch. She just sat there. "One of the girls here killed her father."

"But my father had no right to die. I killed him on a mistaken idea of life. All my life I thought I hated my father because I knew he did not love my mother, but in the end I figured that my dad had been the most selfless person in the world and I realized that it was my mother I resented for keeping my dad at her side knowing he did not love her."

"Love…that's a funny little thing…" she said absent-mindedly. "But your mother really was selfish if she knew your father did not love her yet kept him at her side. The question is, did she really know?"

"Maybe not." Kenji admitted, " I had a mistaken view of what love was. I thought that my father was hurting my mother by lying to her and pretending to love her, but I was wrong, he was actually protecting her. The one that was being hurt was he. My mother had a naïve way of loving. I always felt oppressed by her love, I felt like she would never let me grow up. I grew angry and frustrated. My mom taught me the way of the sword, but her philosophy never sat well with me, her ideas were too simple and pure. She believed swords were meant to protect people without killing. My mother believed in the good in everyone and could never fathom the idea of evil. It was that idea that never permitted her to see my father's true self. My father had once been an assassin for the revolution, yet when my mother met him he was just a wandering man that had promised never to kill again and for that reason I think she never wanted to assimilate his bloody self that had killed so many. She tried to avoid that, and that is why I think my father could never love her. It was that they could never really look eye-to-eye because if they did my mother would find a void that she would be unable to understand. She would discover that my father was unreachable to her. I think unconsciously she always knew my father married her out of pity, yet in her fear she never told him he knew so that he could fly."

"Your mother sounds like an interesting woman, there are just some people that love too much, too intensely that they forget about the rest. I guess your mother was that kind of woman. She believes love can make everything right with the world, just like I think she thought that she could make your father love her by being with him always. Let's just say your mother didn't understand love. I don't know if she married young, or if your father had been her first love, but she was inexperienced. Love hurts, and she didn't want to suffer because of love. She didn't understand. There are many kinds of love. Your father just didn't love her in the way she wanted him to love her. In her fright, she tricked her mind to believe that the marriage was perfect. Don't say your father didn't love your mother, I'm pretty sure he did, because if he didn't he would have broken up the marriage, but there love was at different levels. If your father had been an assassin, she couldn't turn a blind eye, but there are people like her. People who have never suffered or seen the harsh reality of life and believe that with love everything can be set right. Your mother is the type of people that is hard to find, and it's good that she could be so carefree, yet she has to understand that love can't solve everything. Most times love blinds the mind and reason flies out the window making things more complicated than they really are."

"You are probably right. That sounds just like my mother, but still I think I said very cruel things to her."

"She's your mother and if she her personality is like you described I am sure that she will forgive you." Said Sashenka.

By now they were holding hands as they lay on Kenji's bed looking out the window at the stars.

The night sounds lulled Kenji to sleep. He was emotionally drained.

As soon as the sun hit the window Sashenka got up and left the bed.

She turned to look at Kenji's sleeping form and ruffled his red hair.

"Thank you kid, I hope you can come to terms with your own problems." She told him before leaving.

Ah….so….um romantic?….


	4. Chapter 4

Hmmmm…Kenji will be going back to clear some things up…. this is a closure after all…

"Sashenka!" Anna exclaimed in a hoarse whisper as she saw Sashenka quietly slipping out of Kenji's room.

"It was not like anything you are thinking." Sashenka assured her.

"Who am I to judge you Sashenka?"

"Nothing. Nothing happened, I just…I just needed someone to let me talk without any ulterior motives."

"You don't have to explain anything to me Sashenka, but just don't forget who he is and what you are."

"I won't I know exactly what I am doing, but I am glad that there is someone who would just listen and care for my well being without wanting anything in return."

"Sashenka, I think you are walking down a dangerous path. Don't get illusioned with a child. Even if he is a man, he is still a child."

"I know. I know Anna. Don't worry about me. I know he is a child." Sashenka said sadly. She knew, but she couldn't help it. She knew she was walking down a dangerous path. Having someone free her heart gave her the opportunity to dream, but the person who freed her heart was a kid.

'Just don't get hurt.' Anna whispered as Sashenka left.

Sashenka was feeling more than a little confused and she needed time to think. In all her life nobody had shown any kind of affection for her, and when somebody did, it was a kid. Kenji had let her do something nobody had let her do, and one pain was gone but a new one was brewing in her heart.

"We are closing again tonight." Sashenka said.

"Again?" they all asked in unison.

"We need a break. Besides we have a pretty good selection of customers, they can wait."

"You are the boss."

Ninushka was worried about Sashenka and went up to her room to talk to her.

"When are we opening up again?" Ninushka asked her quietly.

"I don't know. If you want you can make house calls, I don't want to make you lose money, but right now I am not feeling well."

"Understood…um Sashenka?" Ninushka started.

"Yes?"

"Uh…no…nothing." She said before leaving.

Sashenka stayed staring at the spot Ninushka had just vacated.

Ninushka was one of those girls that really did not belong in a place like that. It was not that she believed any one deserved that life, but it was that Ninushka was too shy and meek to deal with the hardships of this type of life. Ninushka could not stand up for herself. With her humble demeanor she was one of the most solicited, yet the one Sashenka protected the most.

'Ninushka, why are you here?'

'I… I have no where else to go.'

'That is not a good enough excuse to stay in a life like this. This is not a life for somebody like you. You are young, you could still find a way out of it.'

'But I like it here.'

'You like to be used by men who only think of you as merchandise?' Sashenka asked sarcastically.

Ninushka had said nothing and lowered her gaze.

'Look this is not a life for you, but if you want to stay here then you are welcomed to stay.'

But Sashenka had a pretty good idea as to why Ninushka wanted to stay.

It probably had to do with a little word that was forbidden for them. Love.

For people like them love was like a faraway dream. Society did not permit them to love. They were not even allowed to be part of society. They were like shadows, just standing behind the rest of the world, waiting, hoping to one day be taken away from that life, but knowing it was not possible. Even if a man took them out of the brothel they would only still be his lover, always living in the shadow of someone else.

Sashenka knew that. She had been in love once before and she knew how much it hurt.

She knew and yet she couldn't ignore it.

She couldn't stop herself from dreaming even if she knew that it would only hurt her in the end.


	5. Chapter 5

Originally I wanted to make Sashenka 10 yrs. older than Kenji, meaning that he was going to be 15, but then I remembered Kaoru had re-married and had a daughter, so I couldn't do that…so now Kenji is 17….and meaning Kaoru remarried fairly fast…oh and his little sister is 1 yr. old…..BTW…yes of course some of the things they shared on the last chapter were my views and ideas…but that's just me, I don't want to insult anyone, its just that I have a fairly realistic way of thinking, I'm not very romantic at all, I don't like really mushy stuff, maybe I'm a little cynical, but I truly believe what I said, ppl don't change just like that, u have to acknowledge the person in order to see eye-2-eye…I believe true love is a very strong friendship..thus very hard to find…not that all friendships are going to turn into love but if ur lucky to find a friend in the person u love that is true love to me…..

When he opened his eyes, Sashenka was not there.

'I wonder if she is feeling better now?' he asked himself.

He remembered Sashenka crying. He remembered holding her, letting all her tears flow.

He remembered Sashenka holding him while he cried.

They had held each other as they cried, the pain becoming less as each tear flowed from their eyes.

They were healing their wounds.

They had talked for most of the night and suddenly he found himself alone in his room.

He was not even sure if it had really happened, but then he could smell Sashenka in his room.

Then he knew that it had been real.

That the pain had been real, and that now that pain was less.

He got up his bed and stretched. Thanks to Sashenka he knew exactly what he had to do. It was something that had been eating into him for the past two years.

Life at the brothel went on as usual.

Nothing had really changed, yet two people saw the world differently.

Sashenka and Kenji had grown closer now that they knew each other's secrets, but there was one think Kenji had not told her.

He was leaving.

He needed to go back.

'I think that I can look at life differently.' Sashenka said.

'How so?'

'It has become a little more bearable with you around.'

'I'm not that special. I don't deserve any of this. I have been such a brat in the past.'

'You have to start forgiving yourself before others can forgive you.'

'Sashenka, have you forgiven yourself?'

Sashenka had not responded and they walked the rest of the way to the market in silence.

Since the time she was a child no man had looked her true self. They had only seen her reflection. They saw what she wanted them to see, and that in turn was what they wanted to see.

She thought that she had found a good man to pull her out of this life.

He seemed perfect.

He let her talk. He heard her complains.

She was young.

She was new to the profession.

She believed in love.

And he had betrayed her.

'I promise that I will marry you.'

'Really? You are not just sweet-talking me?'

'I would never do that to you. I love you and as proof I will leave you this ring.'

Prostitutes have a reverse sleeping pattern. They sleep by day and work by night. That's why they always receive the news when it's too late.

'Sashenka, what is that?' a co-worker asked.

'It's an engagement ring.'

'Oh my god! Sashenka!' the girl exclaimed. The girl was young, just like her, and easily exited. 'You are so lucky to have found yourself someone to get you out of here.'

'Shhhh, I don't want Uliana to hear.' Sashenka warned.

'Oh forgive me, but you are so lucky!' the girl gushed.

'Oksana, Sashenka, what are you doing?' The old prostitute asked harshly.

'Nothing. We are just getting ready to head out.' Oksana quickly replied.

Uliana eyed them suspiciously but left them alone.

'That was close. 'Said Oksana.

'Yes.'

'So when are you marrying?'

'He's coming for me tonight.'

'You are so lucky!'

'_Wait for me. Tomorrow night I will come and pay Uliana for your freedom.'_

Sashenka was in cloud nine. She was going to be free and was going to marry the man she loved.

Then…he married that day.

'…It was a grand wedding…I just came from there…'

'Who married?'

'That boy, Elestrat Abasov…'

'Elestrat? Wasn't he a regular customer of Sashenka?'

'Really? That boy had good taste….'

'So who's the bride?'

'It wasAina Kavalevsky.'

The world crumbled. The dream had ended. It had been good while it lasted, but it was now over. He never meant to marry her. It was all a lie.

'You believed him? Never believe a man when he talks to you in bed. You were very foolish.' Uliana reprimanded her.

'Oh Sashenka…' Oksana tried to comfort her, but the tears kept coming no matter how hard she tried to stop them.

'Take the night off. You are in no condition to work tonight.'

It had taken her two years to get enough money to leave Uliana's brothel.

Uliana herself wasn't bad. She was a no nonsense type of woman that had lived already and knew exactly how life worked. Sashenka learned a lot from her.

'Do whatever you want girl.' Uliana said.

'Thank you Uliana.'

Anna had left with her. Oksana had died the year before of a sexually transmitted disease and never got to see Sashenka leave that brothel.

'_Live your live Sashenka. I hope that you can be happy. I only wish that I could have seen you open your own business, you would be a good boss to your girls, I'm sure.'_

'_Oh Oksana.'_ But Oksana was already dead.

She had not seen Elestrat again. With the ring he gave her and her earnings she was able to buy her freedom from Uliana and start her own business.

'Sashenka, why did you open a brothel?'

'Because…that was all I could think of…I could not think of what else I could do.'

'Why do you still live this life?'

'Because that is all I know how to do and it is too late for me to start dreaming. I learned long ago that dreams don't exist for us.'

'Sashenka, you have to forgive yourself.'

But Sashenka couldn't.

She blamed herself for something.

It didn't matter to her what it was, she just felt like she had to be punished.

Maybe it was for her foolishness.

"Sashenka, don't do it again." Anna warned. Anna knew.

"I won't." but even as those words came out of her mouth she knew she was lying.

True kindness had approached her and she was once again dreaming.

"Don't get hurt again Sashenka."

"Anna I think it's too late for that."

A child had come to shake the foundations of her heart.

She could not forgive herself for being a fool.

For loving.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm not even sure if hair dye, or more exactly bleach even existed, but it's fanfiction, so does it matter? Does it seem like Kenji's/Sashenka's relationship is moving too fast? I dunno, it feels to me like it is, but then I don't like making things to long winded….besides it didn't all happen in one day….it's been gradually building up….

"Ah, Alexei what are you going to do?" the girls shrieked.

Sashenka had a rude awakening as she heard the horrified screams of the other girls.

She quickly ran out of her room to see what was happening.

"What is going on here?" she asked from over the railing.

"Oh Sashenka…we didn't want to wake you." Kharenka apologized.

"Forget that you already did, now answer my question, what is going on?" she asked dangerously.

"It's Alexei. Look!" Kharenka said, pulling Kenji out of the circle and waving his arm to Sashenka.

"And what is that?" Sashenka asked.

"It's hair dye! Alexei wants to dye his beautiful red hair!" Kharenka whined.

Sashenka touched her temples. She was not a morning person and all this commotion was getting her in a bad mood.

"Alexei why do you want to dye your hair?" she asked him.

"It is something that I have to do. I am going back home." He said flatly.

Sashenka felt the blood from her face drain. She had not seen this coming. She knew that guilt was eating him slowly, but she never knew that he would decide to leave so soon.

"Excuse me?" she asked, trying to keep her composure, "Why so suddenly?"

"It wasn't so sudden. I have been thinking of this since the first time we talked, I need to do this now, before I back out."

"Girls move along. Let's leave them alone." Anna commanded.

All the girls headed towards the kitchen to leave them alone.

"But why didn't you say anything? Do you think it's fair?."

"I apologize, but I just didn't want to see you looking like that."

"Give me that." Sashenka said suddenly grabbing the dye from his hand.

"Wha...?" he asked.

"I don't know why you want to do this," she told him pointing at the dye bottle, "but if I let you do it yourself you will probably make a disaster out of yourself."

"It's to…I want to scout out the area before I present myself to them, and I don't want to be easily recognizable I want to check them out from afar, see what they have been doing."

Sashenka didn't say much as she dyed his hair.

"You really do look different." She said when she was done.

"Unrecognizable?" he asked.

"For someone who hasn't seen you in two years, then most definitely. If somebody were to look at you quickly they would never put two and two together."

"Then…I can get going. The ship leaves in two hours" He said standing up.

"But you need to wash up. I'll help you wash out the remaining dye from your hair."

"…Ok."

Sashenka helped Kenji wash the remaining dye from his hair. An awkward silence remained throughout the whole process.

"There. You are all washed up and presentable."

"Thank you Sashenka."

Kenji started to walk towards the door a dark cloud hovering over him. How was he going to present himself to his mother and all the others that he'd hurt?

How was he going to look at Soujiro eye-to-eye?

The situation was just too hard.

"Alexei!" Sashenka suddenly called out.

Kenji turned around to face Sashenka.

"Will you be coming back?"

"Yes I will. This is my home now."

"Then…we will be waiting for you to return. In the meantime, good luck and good bye." She said.

"Thank you Sashenka…for everything."

And Kenji walked out to the Russian harsh winter.

Sashenka stood there until she could see him no more.

Anna had been guarding the whole scene from the kitchen and walked to Sashenka.

"How are you feeling?" she asked her.

"Miserable, but I can manage."

"Sashenka I know I've told you this a million times but you're walking down a dangerous path."

"I know Anna, but for a moment, let me live my dream…please. Let me feel alive one more time."

"I just don't want to see you hurt again. Even if he doesn't mean it, he may hurt you the most. Even more than Elestrat."

"No, nobody can hurt me more than Elestrat did. I know what this means for me and him and I am going to leave it platonic."

"Can you really leave it platonic? I'm not too sure about that. I think you are forgetting that it takes two people and you don't know what that kid feels."

"Anna…why are you making this complicated?"

"I just want to see you happy. I've seen you shed so many tears because of love that I don't want to see you shed any more."

"Hmmm, happiness doesn't exist for people like us…all we can do is live the day by day…and grab hope when it appears even if it is just fleeting. But even if I do cry again because of love, this time I believe that it won't be because I was betrayed. Maybe those tears can now be of sincerity of a thing that didn't work instead of tears of pain. "

"I'm not sure I truly understand what you're saying Sashenka, I've never been in love, but if it will make you keep that glow then, don't give up."

"Yes. I think that next time even if my heart is broken I would still be able to smile."

That was all Sashenka could dream for.

Alexei had given her a reason to smile from the heart again.


	7. Chapter 7

Ooohhh, the moment of truth is approaching….I think this story is more 'romantic' than the other, but I can't really write romance…At least not in the conventional way?….anyway I hope you are enjoying the story….im having fun writing it…I like my characters…even tho I have to maybe go into more detail w/ the other girls…I'm kinda just focusing in Sashenka….oh and I dunno about u guys, but I feel like kenji very much resembled kenshin during the revolution…it reminds me of the tomoe/kenshin story, eventho I didn't mean for it to come out sounding like that…but then again they were father and son..lol…

Approaching the dock was hard to do.

There on that ocean stood the ship that was going to take him back to face his past demons.

He gulped.

He wasn't sure he was ready to face all of them.

Especially Soujiro and Misao.

He wasn't sure how they would react.

He found comfort in Sashenka's words, 'She's your mother and if her personality is like you described I am sure that she will forgive you.' He just hoped she was right.

The day was foggy and cold. Typical.

The ship called for her passengers to board.

There was no turning back.

For the next two months he would be on board that ship.

Two months to decide what he was going to say to all those people when he arrived.

As the ship left port he glanced once more at the place he had called home for the past two years. He wasn't sure of many things, but one there was one thing he knew for sure, and that was that he would return.

This was his home now.

Finally after searching all his life to fit in he found his place in the most bizarre of places and he wanted to return to that. To his family.

The ship moved farther and farther from the Russian shores getting him closer to his destiny.


	8. Chapter 8

Well, since I'm going to have to bring Kaoru and family back, I am going to use Suzume as her daughter, u guys remember the little girl from the anime right? As for the husband, I still don't know so he might remain nameless, or I'm going to borrow a character and seriously distort him….was there any merchant types in Rk? I'm drawing a blank, so if u guys remember, let me know, the only one I get is Kanryu Takeda….Oh and yeah, Kaoru's daughter now has brown hair instead of black…

It had been fun to visit Misao and Soujiro.

She had been reluctant to visit the Aoyia at first since it brought her so many memories.

"Misao-san is certainly energetic." Her husband said.

"She is. She does not act her age."

Her husband just smiled at her.

"It seemed Suzume had fun too." Said Kaoru.

"You are back already?" a voice said.

Kaoru turned to see a smiling Megumi.

"Megumi!"

"Megumi-san how have you been?" Kaoru's husband asked.

"Busy. I wish I could have gone to Kyoto, but I cannot leave my patients."

"Megumi you'll never get married like that. You work too much." Kaoru reprimanded.

"Well unlike others, I don't think I'll make a good house wife. I have a profession to take care off, and I think it is too late for me to get married."

"Well there's still Sano available." Said Kaoru.

"What? You have to be kidding me! I'd prefer to stay single forever than marry him."

They laughed.

"Well I'm going to put Suzume to sleep."

Once Kaoru left the room Megumi disclosed the reason she came by.

"Was she ok in Kyoto?" she asked.

"She seemed content."

"I am glad. I was worried about her since Kyoto is a place that holds many memories for her."

"I am glad she has such good friends." He said.

"I worry about her. I worry about the time when she is going to have to face her past. She still hasn't changed that bad habit of avoiding what hurts her and pretending everything is fine. I am sure she is mortally afraid of seeing that ungrateful son of hers again, yet I am sure that if he is alive he'll come back someday to finish what he didn't that day. Are you prepared to deal with that as well?"

"When I met her she was broken. When she found out that she was pregnant she was scared. Of course I am prepared."

"It is different. I think that when she faces her son again she will really break. It is going to be hard for everyone. You have to be willing to pick up the broken pieces because now you have to also think about Suzume. You will have to be strong for both of them."

"Megumi-san, is there something you know that we don't? Has the boy returned?"

"No, I know nothing, but with your trip to Kyoto I felt like I had to warn you. I thought that she might have had trouble going back, but she seems fine, still don't forget, that incident still eats into her a lot."

"I know. She really loved that man didn't she?" he asked.

"She did. Ever since she first laid eyes on him. But it was a young love. She has matured a lot from the time I met her and I am sure she loves you a lot too."

"I wasn't asking because I doubted her love for me, but I just want to know more about her life before me. She won't talk about it and I don't want to ask her about it either. I know that it still hurts her. I could see it in her eyes."

"Suzume keeps her strong. That little girl came as a blessing."

"Hey, why the long faces." Kaoru asked coming into the room.

"Oh it's nothing. I was just pondering about my life. It is a little lonely." Megumi lied.

"I didn't want to make you sad." Kaoru said, concerned for her friend.

"It's alright. Sometimes I think about my life you know, but then I think about what a good life I have now and forget that I ever felt lonely."

"You are a strong one Megumi."

Megumi smiled.

"No, Misao is strong." Said Megumi.

"Misao is crazy." Was Kaoru's reply.

The tense atmosphere was gone.

"If only she could hear us, I can imagine what she'd be doing."

And everybody laughed.


	9. Chapter 9

Hehehe….I've noticed, more than me writing fan fiction, I like dissecting characters….that's why I like K/K….they are fun to analyze…I like doing that a lot… I have the habit of ripping a character apart and trying to analyze them to the smallest detail…I guess I like psychology…or maybe it's philosophy...I'm interested in both things…it was for that reason that I even wrote DSOFTH…but there's many anime characters that are fun to dissect….

Two months had never seemed so fast for Kenji. He had never really cared about time before, but this time, time had a different meaning. It wasn't about counting days; it was about maybe destroying lives again.

The ship docked in Kyoto.

Kyoto.

Why this city of all cities?

Soujiro and Misao were the first people he was going to have to face.

'I wonder what they have been doing?' he asked himself.

He walked the city aimlessly, not knowing where to go.

It had been two long years since he'd left and he felt a little strange.

Out of place.

It was sunny and warm, something he had not felt in a while.

People stared at him.

In their eyes, he was foreign.

His clothes, his hair, his language were foreign.

He decided to leave the clothes he'd left with in Russia as well as his sakabato.

Nothing could link this man to a certain red haired boy named Kenji.

"I'll come back again some other time!" Misao waved.

"Take care, Misao." Sae said.

Misao had been visiting her friend Sae at the Shirobeko and came running out like she always did without noticing where she was going.

She felt herself colliding into something.

"I apologize." She said looking up.

A set of blue eyes stared down at her.

"Nothing to worry about, you are not hurt are you?" the man asked.

"Oh no. I should really check where I am going." She said.

"You should or you could get hurt." He said.

She had not changed at all. When he saw whom it was that crashed into him, he worried that his cover had been blown, but she showed no signs of recognizing him.

"You are not from here are you?" she asked.

"No, I am here for business." He told her.

She had the feeling that she knew him from somewhere; he looked very familiar, yet not at all.

"As an apology for me running into you why don't you come over and stay at my house?"

"I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want to impose."

"I insist, or is it that you already have lodging elsewhere?" she asked.

He didn't, but he didn't know what to say. If he said he did, yet she found him wandering about she might get suspicious, but he couldn't accept her offer either. Maybe she had not recognized him, but Soujiro might.

"I do, I do." He lied. He would think of an excuse later if he saw her again.

"Well then can you leave me your name?" she asked.

"Alexei." He said.

"So you are foreign, where did you come from?"

"Russia."

"Russia, how far is that? Your Japanese is perfect."

"Well thank you, care to leave me your name?" he asked.

"Where are my manners? I am Misao. Makimachi Misao."

"It was nice meeting you, Misao…san?" he pretended to be unsure about the honorific.

"Yes, that is correct."

"Maybe I'll see you again." He told her before leaving.

Misao stood there watching as the young 'foreigner' walked away, that feeling of familiarity not leaving her completely.

"You know Soujiro…" she started.

"Hmmm?" Soujiro mumbled. He had been concentrating on a book when Misao walked in.

"Today as I was coming back I crashed into a young man and I can't help but feel like I've seen him somewhere before."

"Then you probably have." He said.

"But he's from Russia. I don't know any Russians. The farthest I've ever been to has been Tokyo to visit Kaoru."

"Hmmm, then it's probably all in your head."

"Are you saying I am crazy?"

"No, but…you said it yourself, you don't know any foreigners. Maybe he's one of those merchants that abound the city."

"Probably, but I can't shake the funny feeling that I _know_ him."

"Forget about it, you're never going to remember."

"Yeah I'll just forget it."


	10. Chapter 10

Ahahahaha…the irony of life….yeah let's just say Kenji didn't know Okina at all…and I guess I'm gonna stick w/ Kanryu 4 Kaoru's husband, but it won't be the same one 4rm the original storyline (obviously)…I'm not even sure they'll share the same last name, but if they do Megumi never had a run-in w/ anyone by the name "Kanryu"…

The good thing…Kyoto was full of foreigners…the bad thing…he had no money.

Blending in was not too hard since he could just say he was a merchant doing business, but he had no money to pay for lodging.

'I need to find a job.' He said to himself, but it was hard, people were suspicious of him.

"Hey you look kind of lost, do you need a place to stay?" an old man asked him.

He turned around to see the old man that had just called out to him.

He shook his head.

"You're not from here are you?" the old man asked.

"No, I come from Russia." Said Kenji.

"Well if you need a place to stay you can stay at my hotel."

"Thank you for the offer, but I have no money."

"Well if that's the case then you can help out around the hotel."

"Thank you."

"I still need to run some errands so stick with me and we'll head home in a while. By the way what's your name? I'm Kashiwazaki Nenji, but just call me Okina."

"I'm Alexei."

"Well Alexei, welcome to Kyoto."

Kenji followed the old man around the busy marketplace, carrying all the things the man bought.

'Might as well start helping out.' He had said. 'You're young and strong.'

Kenji didn't mind, he did this all the time in Russia. The girls left the shopping to him.

'You are the one that's awake in the morning, Alexei…' they had said.

"Let's go home now." Okina said pulling Kenji out of his reverie.

Kenji almost died when he saw where the old man lived.

The Aoyia.

"Misao look what I found, somebody to help out with the housework!" Okina shouted.

"Stop shouting old man!" said Misao coming into the room.

Shock.

"It's…I'ts you!" Misao shouted, pointing a finger at Kenji.

"What happened, I thought you said you had a place to stay!"

"It…there was a mistake and there was no rooms left." Kenji lied.

"Well my offer still stands, you are welcomed to stay here." Said Misao.

"Thank you." Said Kenji trying to sound thankful when he was feeling so distraught.

His heart was beating fast; he could feel his blood leaving his face. His hands were sweaty; he felt cold shivers running up and down his spine.

"Soujiro!" Misao called for her husband.

'This is bad…this is bad…' Kenji kept thinking as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Look this is the guy I was telling you about." Misao said, but Soujiro wasn't particularly paying attention to his wife. He was looking at the man before him.

Undeniable, unmistakable, he was looking at the same eyes, the eyes of somebody that had disappeared two years ago without a trace.

"Nice to meet you." He told him bowing a little.

He came back up and they locked eyes. He smiled at him, recognition visible in his eyes.

'I know who you are.' Said those eyes and that smile.

Kenji gulped. If any person could figure out who he was it had to be Soujiro. That was why he had not wanted to get near the Aoyia yet. He wasn't ready.

"Make yourself at home…forgive me I don't think I've caught your name?" said Soujiro still looking at him intently.

It was unnerving Kenji. Why was Soujiro being so…polite? Why wasn't he saying that he was Kenji?

"A…Alexei." Kenji was finally able to stammer.

"Hmmm, don't worry about him; he's not going to be your boss. I'm the boss here." Misao told him.

"Yes that's right." Said Soujiro.

Kenji gave them a weak smile.

"I'll show you to your room." Misao said.

"I can take him." Soujiro cut in.

"OK then, Soujiro will show you to your room."

Kenji followed Soujiro in silence.

"Why have you returned?" Soujiro asked suddenly.

"I…"

"Don't answer me now. We can talk later; I just want you to think about it." Soujiro told him as they reached the room.

"I hope that you will like your room." And with that Soujiro was gone.

Kenji stood in the middle of the room at a lost for words.

His brain had stopped functioning.


	11. Chapter 11

Lalalalala…ok…once again…I said Yahiko and Tsubame had twins right? Well I just discovered they actually had a canon son, but since I don't feel like changing the continuity of the story…in order to accommodate the son w/ my twin idea, I'm gonna use Ayame (Suzume's sister in the anime), and their son, Shinya, and make them twins…so Ayame will be younger than her anime counter part, and I've no idea how 'Shinya' looks, so yeah…that is all…the twins will be Shinya and Ayame.

And no…Suzume is Kaoru's daughter w/ her new husband….sorry 4 any confusion…

"Soujiro, do you recognize that man from somewhere?" Misao asked.

"No, but he seemed familiar."

"See I told you, so then where have you seen him from?"

"I can't tell you exactly, but I think it was one of those merchants that are always in the city."

"Hmmm….I don't know…but if you think it's one of those merchants, then it has to be since you have a better memory than I."

He smiled at his wife.

Why was Kenji back?

He held no grudge against him; both were very similar in many aspects, but he did want to know what he was planning to do.

The boy didn't seem as angry anymore, something had happened, but still, Soujiro knew that his arrival would open many wounds that were only half-healed.

Kaoru would surely break and who knew if she'd be able to bounce back. For the sake of the little girl that she had now Soujiro really hoped that Kenji had a very good reason for his return.

For the most part Kenji kept away from Soujiro and tried to avoid being alone with him for too long.

"I want to know what are you planning?" Soujiro asked Kenji.

He surprised Kenji who had been facing away from him.

"Soujiro-san?" he asked lamely.

Soujiro smiled at him. " You don't have to be so scared. What happened to all that spunk you had when you left? Look don't worry I am not going to tell Misao yet, but I want to know why you've returned?"

"I…I had to. I realized that I did some very bad things and I needed to apologize. I know that apologizing won't do much, but I want a closure to all this. I have a new life in Russia, but in order to completely become 'Alexei' I have to close this chapter of my life. That is why I have returned."

"Sounds fair, but I want you to know something Kenji, be very careful when approaching your mother. She's remarried and has a little girl, so now a whole family is in your hands. I don't know if your mother is strong enough to face you yet. I don't know if she'll ever be able to face you. I know you want closure, and I really think that is the right thing to do, but you have to take into consideration that girl and her new husband."

"She remarried?" Kenji asked a little incredulous.

"Why do you sound so surprised? Did you not want her to remake her life after you destroyed her previous home?"

"It…it has nothing to do with me. It's just…she loved so intensely that it seems too soon to have remarried."

"She did, and she still does. At her core your mother will always give much love to everyone no matter how much she's been hurt. And yes, it did seem a little too soon, but that man arrived at the best moment possible."

"Do you think that she will be able to forgive me?"

"I don't know if she will forgive you, but I am almost certain that she blames herself for everything that happened."

"Soujiro-san, I apologize for what I did to you."

"No, you don't need to apologize to me. I also have a dark past that very few people know about. That is why I hold no resentment towards you."

"A dark past?" What could Soujiro possibly have done that made him _not_ resent him?

"Yes a very dark secret that not even Misao knows about. I killed my entire family."

Kenji was speechless. It was not that he was appalled or disappointed in Soujiro; it was just that it was a shocking revelation. He really knew nothing about this man only that he was a very strong fighter.

"I was the bastard son and because of that I was treated like a slave and beaten at every opportunity. Then one day I learned that if I kept smiling as they beat me, they would become unnerved and stop. Suddenly my life got a little better, but I still held much resentment towards them, and one day I met the man that would lead me to the decision to kill my family. One day I met Shishio Makoto and he became my mentor. He taught me his philosophy that only the strong survive, and I really believed him. I took his words to heart and to prove it I slaughtered the whole family in cold blood. That was the day I buried my emotions and it wouldn't be until many years later that Kenshin-san, your father, unlocked the emotions I had locked in my heart and made me doubt my own philosophy. I have repented many times over, and even if those people deserved that, I am not happy for what I did. I have lost my family three times already. Once by my own hand, then I lost Shishio, whom even if he was twisted, I looked up to as a father, then I lost Kenshin-san at your hands."

Kenji was speechless.

"But you still have Misao-san." Said Kenji after a moment.

"Yes, with all her faults, I am glad that I met her when I did."

'Look at you, you are a mess, weren't you supposed to be strong? If I leave you here I'll feel guilty later so I'll take you to The Aoyia.'

"Kenji, why did you change your hair color?"

"It was a disguise. I didn't want people to recognize me too soon. I wanted to scout the area first."

"Good idea. It works. I would have been fooled if it weren't for your eyes. That is the only thing you cannot change."

"Soujiro-san…Thank you."

"No don't thank me. I understood you all to well, but you do have to apologize to Misao."

"Yes…I know, but I don't know how I am going to approach her. I cannot come up to her and say 'Misao-san it's me Kenji and I want to apologize.'"

But he didn't need to think of a way to approach her because she had heard the whole confession.

She dropped what she was holding, making her presence known.

The two men turned around to see her standing there, a look of utter shock written on her face.

"You…you are…"

Soujiro left the floor and tried to approach her, but she recoiled from his touch.

"Don't…don't get near me!" she stammered and ran from there.

A feeling of dread suddenly fell on the usually happy home.


	12. Chapter 12

Ouch!

Ooooh….I was going to go into more detail on the flashback on how Soujiro & Misao met, but I want to write a sou/mi story that kinda looks the events of DSOTH and Closure in their POV, and of course w/ new things too, so I'll have to save my ideas 4 that story…just look 4 it in the future...after 'Closure' most likely….on w/ 'Closure' 4 now…..Oh and I'm saddened…how come I have so very few reviews, yet so many hits for the story? I need love…review….plz…it's the same 4 all my stories….so sad…

Misao stood by the door, her eyes wide in shock.

Soujiro bolted towards his wife, but she ran from him.

What had just happened?

It wasn't that she was afraid of blood, she had always been surrounded by it, and it wasn't that she didn't know her husband had been no saint, but still, it shocked her.

He had killed his family?

That was just too much for her brain to register at the moment.

She couldn't face him.

She didn't even know what she was feeling.

Was it repulsion?

Fear?

Disappointment?

Anger?

She was feeling hurt.

It was the lack of confidence that hurt her.

She didn't even know where she was going. Who could she talk to? Who would be able to understand his past?

She felt lost.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

She bolted.

Soujiro was confused.

How much had she heard?

He had never seen her so shocked.

What was that look on her face?

Was it fear? Anger? Disappointment?

Never in all his life had he felt so lost.

Even when Kenshin had opened his eyes to reality he hadn't felt this empty, it was nothing compared to this feeling.

He never expected anyone to accept him with all his faults, and that is why he was glad to have been able to meet Misao.

And now who knew what was going to happen.

"Soujiro-san…I…I apologize." Said Kenji.

"Wha...? Why are you apologizing? This was not your fault."

"But if I hadn't returned she would have never found out."

"Mmm, that may be true, but it might have been better this way."

"You…you are not going to look for her?"

"What's the point if she doesn't want to see me now? I'll have to give her some time."

They had seen Misao run out like the devil was after her, something they had never seen before, but they didn't worry too much. Not until she didn't show her face that night that the other tenants at the Aoyia started to worry.

"Soujiro, what happened between Misao and you?" Okina asked.

"We had our differences." Soujiro said dismissively.

"You've had many differences throughout the years, but I've never seen Misao run out like she did."

"We had our differences." Was all Soujiro said.

Okina didn't ask any more because he knew that Soujiro was not going to tell him anything.

"Are you two going to be fine?"

"I really don't know. I all comes down to her."

What could he possibly have done to have Misao run out like that and not return?


	13. Chapter 13

I was reading over my reviews and I stumbled upon one from a mother, and I understand what she was saying, but I'm not a mother, I am a daughter, and the story is written in Kenji's perspective, he's a son, not a father, and children tend to be selfish…sometimes we take our parents advices the wrong way, or ignore them completely and it isn't until we experience those things that we are able to see our parents in a different light…so I just wanted to share that piece of info because children are selfish…while most parents are selfless…once again, I'm not saying this to insult anyone….

Morning had arrived and she was feeling better.

She ended up going to the Shirobeko with her friend Sae.

'Misao-san what's wrong?'

'Sae-san, I just need a place to stay for tonight.'

'Yes, yes you're welcomed to stay, but what happened?'

'Matrimonial differences. I just need to think some things through.'

"Misao-san, how are you feeling?" Sae asked her.

"I'm feeling much better. Thank you for letting me stay here, but I need to get going. I still have some things to clear."

"Are you sure? You are welcomed to stay here as long as you want."

"Thank you for the offer but I must decline. The sooner I clear this mess, the better."

"Good luck Misao-san."

Misao was off to the Aoyia.

She was still angry, but not confused anymore.

She couldn't condemn, or condone what Soujiro had done, but she also couldn't throw away so many years of marriage because of that.

That happened before she even knew he existed, and he said it himself that he was sorry, so she could not be the one to judge him. She couldn't, and she wouldn't.

"Misao hasn't returned yet?" one of the women at the Aoyia asked.

"No she's still missing." Another one said.

"And what are you doing there with faces like someone died!" a voice cut in.

The women looked up. "Misao!"

"The one and only. Can you tell me where Soujiro and Alexei are?"

"Soujiro is in the room, and Alexei went out to do some errands for Okina."

"I'm going to go see Soujiro first then."

Soujiro sat on the floor thinking when he heard all the commotion, yet he didn't move from his spot.

"We need to talk." Said a very familiar voice curtly.

"I agree." He said without turning around to look at his wife.

"Argh!" she screamed before she ran towards him and grabbed him form the collar. "Why? Why didn't you tell me anything? No wonder he looked so familiar! Did you think I was stupid, or what? That I wasn't going to eventually find out? Dammit!"

"It's not anything like that. I just wanted to find out why he was here. Why he returned."

"Now I understand many things. I remember you saying you couldn't hate him for what he did, and now I understand why! But I can't hate him either, because if I did that would mean that I would have to hate you too, and I...I can't do that. I don't want to do that." She said, the fierceness in her voice diminishing as she went on.

He wasn't sure how long it had been since he's seen her cry, and he tried to remember as she held on to his collar, her face buried in his chest. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"To be honest, I was afraid of your reaction. I didn't want to lose my family for the fourth time."

"I can't say that I can understand that, but that happened before I met you and that is why I won't condemn you for it. If you have repented for it, who am I to judge you? I can't do that because then I would have rationalize everything that I have ever done, and even if there's no forgiveness for that, we can all learn to live with our mistakes."

His wife was different from most women, she did as she pleased, but she was also very kind. He should have never doubted her. He should have trusted her.

"Kenji, we need to talk."

"Misao-san, you're back."

"Yes, I'm back, now spill."

"I apologize deeply for everything I did to you in the past. I don't even know why I did it since I always admired Soujiro-san."

"If you had told me this two days ago I would have never forgiven you, but if I have forgiven something worse, then all I can tell you now is that you don't need to apologize. Soujiro is alive and well and that is all that matters to me."

'Thank you Misao-san, you and Soujiro-san have been too kind to me."

"Look brat, I'm not kind, but like I said there was no permanent damage done, so what is there to forgive to begin with?"

Kenji just smiled. Misao and Soujiro were really kind. He had been afraid of their reaction, but they had forgiven him.

"I guess I'll have to get going then?" he said.

"I'm not kicking you out. Take all the time in the world, because seriously I don't know how Kaoru is going to react."

"And that is what I am afraid of."

"To be very honest, I wished you'd never come back, but since you are here, there's no turning back."

"Hey, what kind of life do you lead in Russia?"

"I live with some girls. They have all been very understanding and have helped me a lot with my anger."

"They must be one heck of a lot because you were such a spoiled brat. I think that's where Kaoru went wrong. She spoiled you too much."

"Maybe that was it. I don't know, but I want to know about her new family."

"Oh so you know? Well she has such an adorable little girl; she's the sweetest thing. Her name is Suzume, and her husband is also a very nice man. Nothing like your father, this man is not a fighter at all, he's a merchant."

"So I have a sister named Suzume and a step-father who is a merchant."

"Yes, that about sums it up."

"Can you tell me how I am going to approach her?" he asked rhetorically.

"Sorry kid, but you are on your own with that."

I'm not justifying what Soujiro did, it was wrong, …but then again he was young and easily manipulated, so if your life is so messed up, and a psycho tells you that you could escape…well…I guess that's what happens…and Misao likes him too much to just let him go because of that…if he's sorry for what he did, why should she not forgive him? No matter how bad it was , she had to take into consideration everything that let up to it, not just the event…at least that's what I think…there has to be a reason…if he'd just killed them just because…then that would have no forgiveness whatsoever…no silver lining, no benefit of the doubt, but there was a reason…now Enishi killed that family that gave him lodging and treated him so well…that was just evil….yet he was mentally disturbed, but still that act was a lot more sinister and low…again I'm not trying to justify, but only explaining why she forgave him…we all have things that some ppl might not forgive and they might be a minor thing…it depends on the person I guess…


	14. Chapter 14

I think this is the story that I've neglected the most, and I'm not even sure anybody's reading this anymore, but since there's still some ideas running thru my head about this one, well. I just gotta finish…BTW, the reason I stopped updating this one was cus my reviewers abandoned me, not cus I ran out of ideas like it usually happens, but I like 2 finish things, even if it takes me 4ever and a day 2 do it…here it is, the next chapter 4 whoever cares…review PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Sashenka have you lost your mind!?" Anna exclaimed.

"No Anna, it's actually the opposite." Sashenka stated.

"But Sashenka, you can't go to a country you've never been to alone! You don't even know their language!" Anna tried to reason, but reasoning with a woman in love was as good as if reasoning with a wall.

"Actually…" Sashenka started.

"You were planning this from the beginning. You actually had that kid teach you his language?" Anna asked incredulously.

Sashenka smiled.

Anna sighed. "I knew it. Sashenka I would like to think that you know what you are doing, but remember, _he is still_ a **boy**."

Sashenka's smile faltered a bit, "He promised to return."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Anna, I'm scared that in the end he decides to stay over there, in the place where he was born, with his family."

"You don't trust him?"

"It's…not that." Sashenka said uncertainly.

"Then what is it? Sashenka, if you are going to go chase after him, you have to know why. I don't think he'll be very pleased to learn that the reason you are going to hop on a ship and leave the place you've always know was because you didn't trust he's come back."

"Anna, I don't know what to do anymore."

"Go Sashenka, staying here is not helping anyone, and perhaps it will be easier fro him to face his problems with you there."

"Anna thank you."

"Don't thank me, it's not like I'm your mother, I just want to see you smile since you've done so much for me."

"I haven't done anything for anyone, Anna. I can't even save Ninushka from herself. She's rotting away in this place waiting for something that will never happen, and I don't have the heart to tell her to leave, and even if I told her to leave she'd only end up in another brothel worse than this one."

"Sashenka, you can't save everyone, but at least you have treated us like people, not merchandise, and it is Ninushka's choice to be a fool, not yours."

"Anna, what would I do without you?"

"You'd do just as good."

"No, you were the first friend I ever had, from the time we were working at Uliana's brothel. You were always the voice of reason for Oksana and I. If only you had known about Elestrat…but then again, would I have listened?"

"Sashenka leave Elestrat where he belongs, in the past. Oksana and you were very foolish girls, and you Sashenka still are, but you are also a kind person that deserves happiness."

"Anna, how come you've never tried to leave this life?"

Anna sighed. She had never told anyone how she had ended up as a prostitute.

"I was born and bred in this life; to me it was not foreign at all to be used for someone else's pleasure. I was sold to Uliana's brothel when I was six or seven, and started serving men when I was eleven or twelve. Sashenka, in short, this is what I've always done, and will probably continue to do until I am too old to do it, or I succumb to a sickness like Okasana did."

"You've never been in love?"

"No. I've always been just like you see me now. Like I said, since I've been in this life all my life I don't believe what they men tell me in bed, and it is just better this way, for me at least."

"Anna, do you want to come with me?"

"What? Sashenka what are you going to do about business?"  
"I don't care about it! We can start from nothing again if need be! Don't you want to at least once in your life be free of this and see new places?"

"Sashenka, you know I cannot leave you alone, but I am worried about this place and the other girls. You are to them like their surrogate mother; you cannot just go and abandon them."

"Then…let's all go!"

Kharenka was thrilled to hear the news.

She had always wanted to travel.

Ninushka on the other hand, had not wanted to hear anything about it.

"Well Ninushka, if that is your decision, I cannot force you to come with us, so you can take care of the house, and maybe get some new girls to help you out while we are gone. We will probably be out for six months, if not more."

The other girls exchanged glances, six months was a long time, but they trusted Sashenka and Anna.

Ninushka had been scared of being left alone as she saw the rest of the girls walk towards the port, and almost ran after them, but she couldn't bring herself to leave her dream behind, so she stayed.

"Are you sure leaving Ninushka alone like that? I don't think she will be able to handle it." Kharenka asked.

"That's the best I can do for her. She didn't want to come, and I couldn't leave her in the street either." Sashenka said.

"She's just being stupid. That guy is _never_ coming back." Kharenka said, stressing the 'never'.

"This is it girls. If anyone wants to stay, this is the time to say it because once we board this ship we won't be coming back in a couple of months." Sashenka said, ignoring Kharenka's last comment.

But none of the girls backed down. It was an adventure.


	15. Chapter 15

Sorry, sorry…I like this story a lot, and yet I take 4ever to update…sorry sorry…

Kharenka was curious.

She just had to ask.

"Sashenka, why are you so attached to him?" Kharenka asked.

"To be honest Kharenka, I don't know why. All I know is that he is different from anyone I've ever met; besides he reminds me a lot of you." And Sashenka just had to answer

"How so?" Kharenka asked, knowing that she was probably not going to like Sashenka's answer.

"You and he are more similar that you'd think."

In all the time Kenji had been living with them, Kharenka had not really bothered to find out why he had ran away from home but she's always had the nagging feeling that he had left for the same reason she did, even if their circumstances had been different.

Sashenka sighed, she shouldn't have said anything, it was not her story to tell, but it was too late to back out now.

"Alexei…like you has also stained his hands with the blood of his father."

Kharenka was surprised, not as much by the confession, but by hearing her crime in the mouth of another.

"But I don't think he did it for the same reasons I did." She said her anger thinly veiled as she remembered that day.

"No, you are right, his reasons weren't the same, but just like you he carries that crime around like a heavy burden that he cannot rid himself of. He still feels guilty about it."

"But I don't feel guilty Sashenka. It's been 5 years already, and that bastard deserved it!" Kharenka was crying.

She had tried to forget what happened that day, but forgetting was not as easy as one may think.

Kharenka was scared of herself. She had done it in a fit of anger, tired of all the abuse, and since then she'd tried to keep her anger in check, never showing it to the world. Nobody had seen Kharenka angry; she was always flirting and smiling.

"I wouldn't know what to tell you Kharenka, I've never killed a man before. I do not know how it feels to have someone at your mercy, therefore I do not what to tell you about killing a man that was supposed to protect you, but instead used your body for his own pleasure."

"Sashenka, I'm scared of myself. I don't want to do it again."

Kharenka knew that she should have never asked. That only helped to open wounds that were not even healed to begin with.

She had always had the feeling that Alexei had done something similar to what she'd done, and it scared her to see herself reflected in his eyes.

"Kharenka, maybe you should talk to Alexei about this. I don't know how it feels to kill a man, so I cannot help you with that, but maybe talking to someone that knows how it feels can help."

"Thank you Sashenka, I needed that. I do want to talk to Alexei about it."

"Kharenka, when we find Alexei, you can talk all you want. He's the only one that can understand what you are feeling. "

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kenji had not wanted to leave yet, but he also knew that he had to eventually. There would be no easy way of doing this, so he might as well just do it now.

"Thank you for all your hospitality."

"It was nothing. I wish we could do more to help you, but we are just as lost as you as to how to approach this, let's just hope that Kaoru is strong enough to face you." Misao told him.

"Let's hope so." He said walking away from the Aoyia.

"You think they'll be ok?" Soujiro asked.

"Who knows?" Misao replied as Kenji's figure disappeared.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

'A letter from Misao? Wonder what this is about?' Megumi asked herself as she opened the letter.

'_Megumi-san, what we have feared has occurred. Kenji is back and is currently living at the Aoyia, but he plans to make his appearance known to Kaoru soon. He is like a completely different person from the boy that left still covered in his father's blood, and I am not only speaking about his physical appearance, which is also very different. He has dyed his hair to a blonde color, and his clothing is also different. He says that he has been living in Russia all this time, and that a group of women helped him. I am writing this letter to you…'_

"So that you will prepare Kaoru for it and have you prepared too to help her." Megumi finished reading the letter to Kaoru's husband.

'_With much worry and hoping for the best,_

_Misao.'_

She put the letter down.

"So the boy has returned." The man said glumly.

"So it seems. He will be easy to spot in this city; you don't see too many blondes around here." Megumi said.

"I don't think she's ready." Her husband said.

"Me neither. I will keep an eye out for any suspicious people and try to think of the best way to do this." Megumi reassured him.

"Why the long faces?" Kaoru asked coming into the room.

They were hiding something from her she could just feel it.

Megumi gave h a small smile.

"Kaoru how would you feel if Kenji appeared before you again?" Megumi asked bluntly.

Kaoru felt as if her legs had become gelatin, cold sweat covered her brow, she felt like she was going to fall.

"Why…why do you ask Megumi?" she asked weakly.

"No particular reason, but if he's not dead don't you think he might come back?"

"I…I don't think I'm strong enough to face him…I'm scared…I'm scared of my own son…" she was sobbing now.

Megumi and her husband exchanged glances.

She would never be ready to face him, and yet there was nothing they could do to stop what was coming.


End file.
